The Cambridge English dictionary describes coercive control as:

Control of another person’s behaviour by using force or threats or by causing fear

In the context of a relationship, it can be defined as: any incident or pattern of incidents of controlling, coercive or threatening behaviour, violence or abuse between those aged 16 or over who are or have been intimate partners or family members, regardless of gender or sexuality.

• Coercive behaviour is an act or a pattern of acts of assault, threats, humiliation and intimidation or other abuse that is used to harm, punish, or frighten their victim
• Controlling behaviour is a range of acts designed to make a person subordinate and/or dependent by isolating them from sources of support, exploiting their resources and capacities for personal gain, depriving them of the means needed for independence, resistance and escape and regulating their everyday behaviour

Coercive behaviours to look out for

As you can see, there are many things that are considered as coercive and controlling behaviour. As with many types of behaviour, there are things you can look out for. Here is a list of some of the most commonly seen:
• Obsessively texting, calling and emailing you and then getting angry or accusing you if you don’t respond immediately.
• isolating you from friends and family. Saying things like, “your mum doesn’t like me, let’s not see her today”
• always wanting to see and talk to you. Not letting you have your own space
• stopping you from working or going to school/college/university
• getting upset when you text or hang out with other people
• accusing you of flirting or cheating all the time
• pressuring you to do things you don’t want to do. Such as engaging in sexual activity when you don’t want to, or sharing or threatening to share, naked photos online
• monitoring or controlling your social media accounts and insisting on knowing who you are talking to. They might insist you ”unfriend” people of the opposite sex
• tracking your location via GPS
• rushing the relationship’s pace
• saying things like “If you loved me, you would…”
• Threats to hurt you, your family or pets if you don’t comply
• Putting you down, saying things like “you’re useless, no one else would want you, no one else could love you”
• Forcing you to take part in criminal activity, like shoplifting. Neglect or abuse of children to encourage self-blame and prevent disclosure to authorities

Loneliness is something that affects many and is caused by many things. Like national lockdowns, financial constraints or the loss of family. Cycling Without Age aims to alleviate social isolation by offering community members free trike rides in Portsmouth. Often this leads to meeting new people and making new friends!

We spoke with a regular rider, Pessi, about what led to her to using Cycling Without Age.

When my son passed away, I was home – completely bed ridden more or less for five years. Not eating, not sleeping. Then, when my husband died two years ago during COVID, I wasn’t able to have a proper funeral for him, or see family. It was very distressing.

Social riding

Tragedies like this can impact us in many ways, and can lead to loneliness. Pessi started attending Spark Community Space, a local charity in Portsmouth that helps put the spark back into people’s lives, to get out and meet people. It was at one of the regular community coffee days that Pessi learnt about Cycling Without Age.

Pilot volunteers take people out for rides around Portsmouth, and on that day were at Sherlock’s in Southsea. Two people can sit in the electrically assisted trikes which are piloted by trained cyclists. It let’s people, often with mobility issues, to get out and about.

It gets you out in the fresh year and the volunteers are great. We have some great chats and they take me to the cemetery to visit my husband and son, fetching and carrying the water and plants and bits I need. It’s helped a lot.

A lack of human interaction can lead to loneliness, which is why our cyclists are more than happy to chat! It’s also a wonderful way to meet new people. Pessi met Rose through Cycling Without Age, and they now regularly go out on rides!

I have made friends, and sometimes we go out on the bikes together. I think social prescribing can help people a lot. Especially people like me or don’t have good mobility and are living on their own.

Cycling Without Age is made possible by The National Lottery Community Fund, Sport England, Thriving Communities and Energise Me.

It’s Volunteers Week 2022, a week where volunteers are celebrated! We want to thank all our volunteers for their hard work, their sacrifice, and their dedication to bettering other people’s lives. We spoke with Zel, a volunteer at Advice Portsmouth, about her experiences. If you are interested in doing something similar, let us know.

Hi my name’s Zel and I just wanted to explain my time at Advice Portsmouth. Firstly, I would like to talk about the staff/colleagues that work there. Every single one of them are amazing, they are always willing to help and always made me feel welcomed. Even when I first started and kept asking questions, they were lovely and very patient with me.

As a charity, we are committed to helping improve the lives of the people we work with. Our Support and Enablement service helps many things. Like:

• personal care
• skill development
• occupational, social, and leisure activities
• Day to day living

Jack, who is a client in our Support and Enablement Service, did a spot of fundraising for YOU in Milford! Jack wanted to let us know what went down…

On Monday, 2 May, there were stalls on the Milford common. So, I thought I’d get a stall to sell some of my photos. I had other things like sweets, toys and gifts for kids too. We had to set up by 10am to for a start at 11 and it was a nice sunny day.

I thought it would be nice to raise money for the YOU Trust Charity. They support people with learning disabilities around Hampshire. Their main office is in Fareham with a residence in New Milton. Support workers come around to people’s homes to help them with lots of things. Like personal care, cooking, money management. They help you pay bills, with shopping and take you out into the community.

Socially isolated

I’ve written before about being socially isolated, and how even our technological prowess with things like ‘face time’ can only slow down a thirst for human contact. Sitting in front of a screen will never replace being in someone’s company. I recently visited Dorset (for the first time, might I add!) to meet the team at First Point Dorset, or DIPS for short.

It was the first time I got to meet the team, because ‘lockdown’, and it was great. I’m sure many people working have used the line ‘nice to meet you in person, finally!’ and probably also ‘nice to virtually meet you’. The difference meeting a colleague makes in working together is immeasurable. Sure, you can get things done via email, and via whatever platform for virtual chatting is out there. But from what I have heard, and experienced, you go through more of a checklist of things to do when you haven’t met someone.

Humans are a socially inclined species, so if we lose that, we can feel negative consequences. Our mental health can take a beating, which leads to physical issues. This is why our team in Dorset have weekly drop in sessions for people who might need social contact. It also helps that many in the team LOVE to chat, right Lucy!? So, what are these drop ins all about?

First Point Dorset Drop Ins

We act as a front door to support, in addition to traditional referral routes. Our friendly staff are happy to help you with:

• Information
• guidance or support on housing issues
• maximising income
• daily living
• health & wellbeing
• connecting with the local community

That last bullet point ‘connecting with the local community’ is so important. If you are living alone it’s very easy to become socially isolated. Which is why I encourage anyone who is feeling lonely to make use of our free services. We can help signpost you to services that will benefit you. For example Age UK, Help and Kindness and Volunteer Centre Dorset.

Wyke Regis

The Veterans Hub Community Café 114A Portland Road Wyke Regis DT4 9AD 10.00 – 14:00

Thursday

Weymouth

Weymouth Information Centre 98 St. Mary Street, Weymouth, DT4 8NY