Living with a stammer can be difficult. Communication is one of the most important aspects of daily living that you need to survive in today’s world. And, if you have a communication impediment, it can make you feel different or separate.
There are a lot of assumptions that success requires perfection. Yet your unique talents and traits are what can help you succeed and develop other qualities.
I think it’s about time that everyone had this mindset and that we don’t have to be perfect and that it’s a strength to be unique.
What is a stammer?
Some call it a stammer, others call it a stutter. But it doesn’t matter. It means the same thing. This condition affects about 1 in 50 adults in the UK and affects men three to four times more than women. I guess I’m one of the lucky women to be living with it!
It can be a condition that you have from a very young age. It’s attributed to trauma, genetics, environment or even accidents and affects the communication section of the brain. There is currently no cure for this condition. However, there are things that you can work on to improve your communication and speech. There is speech therapy and intensive speech courses that you can attend to learn a technique to control your stammer.
What is it like to have a stammer?
Everyone has their own experiences. However, I find that there are some key points a lot of us share. These can be:
- Embarrassment
- Anxiety
- Depression
- Frustration
- Being a failure or not good enough
- Feeling different
Most of these are hidden under the surface; they aren’t shown to others. A great way to explain this is using the example of an iceberg.
The small piece at the top shows the parts that other people see. For example, the times when you are stammering, getting upset or angry etc. The huge piece underneath the water demonstrates the parts that you hide. The thoughts and feelings you have; things that you may avoid doing or saying.
Not everything is visible to others, and you don’t know what a person is going through unless you have experienced it yourself. So being kind. Understanding is key!
However, when you do get support for your stammer, you may be able to melt some of that iceberg and change the way it looks!
It’s good to remember that this works for many things, not just a stammer.
Living with my stammer
I’ve had a stammer since I was three years old. I was told that my older brother stammered for about a year, but it went away. Unfortunately, mine stuck! As a child it can be quite frustrating as you don’t understand why you don’t talk like everyone else. And feeling okay with this is not an easy task.
I went through speech therapy once when I was a child and once more as an adult. However, without long-term support, these didn’t really benefit me very much.
My school years were difficult, but I did manage through and had some good friends. I was bullied a little bit, but not majorly. Which of course I am very grateful for as not everyone who has a stammer can say the same. The hardest part for me was having to do speaking tests or reading out loud. There were many occasions that I’d walk out of the classroom in embarrassment.
My family are always very supportive, so I wasn’t made to feel “different”. They’ve always made life a little easier, like making calls for me. Although they are wonderful they couldn’t understand fully and we didn’t talk about it too much. I felt very alone as I didn’t know anyone else with a stammer.
Stammer and a career
I always wanted to help others, so I wanted to be a nurse. That’s why I went to college and did an access to nursing course. But this was really challenging for me. There were many presentations involved and I detested them. Mid-way through this course, I gave up and left. I felt like I was weak for doing this, but I didn’t know what else to do. I was at my breaking point.
Eventually, after a couple of months, I found an apprenticeship as a care assistant in a care home. I soon realised this was what I was meant to do. It really helped my confidence with my speech and I felt that I wasn’t a failure after all. I could still help people!
I’ve been working for ten years in the care sector, and there’ve been some ups and downs. As well as some positive changes and progressions. Like from care assistant to field care supervisor, which was an achievement that I didn’t think I would reach. I also had some difficulties with a few managers I worked for in regards to my progression and having “special treatment” if I wanted to try and progress.
However, I finally got to the point where I saw my potential and knew this was not an acceptable thing to do. I have always been very open and honest about my abilities and my stammer. I’ve always wanted to educate those that have not experienced it or do not understand it. I’ve also had some amazing support. I want to emphasise how supportive The YOU Trust is. They do not treat you like you are different. It’s an amazing place to work.
The stammering community
In 2018, I enrolled in a three-day intensive speech course where I met other people with stammers. The aim of the course is to help you recover from stammering and learn breathing techniques to control your speech. It was not easy.
I was overcome with joy and acceptance. It was overwhelming. I couldn’t believe all these people understood what I had been going through for the last 20 years. It was a real community that I had never been part. By the end of day three, I had some lifelong friends and it just felt like my safe haven.
I was so ready to make a change and be able to control my stammer. I invested a lot of time and energy in the course. I can truly say that it turned my life around completely.
Once I learnt the technique and could use it, I could say what I wanted to say when I wanted to say it! The course was a lot of fun, and to this day I have some super close friendships that I cherish.
My stammer recovery
I have now attended the starfish course six time and I aim to go at least once a year. Each time I take something different from it.
As I’ve mentioned, a huge thing for me is helping others. In the last three courses I’ve partnered up with new participants to mentor them. I’ve also got up in front of the whole group to explain some things and give support. This was a big win for me.
In regards to my personal life, I have been able to achieve much more then I could even imagine before going to the course. It has also helped me gain confidence and want to push myself to do things.
I’ve recently set up a Starfish support group. It’ll be starting in August and will be each month in Waterlooville. There are numerous support groups in the country. But and I am very excited to be creating one for the south coast.
Living with a stammer going forward
I’m always looking for new ideas and things to achieve. I also want to help my community and to support others. I have the support group and look forward to supporting anyone that needs me.
As mentioned, I will be leading the support group and hoping to also do something in The YOU Trust charity.
If you have any questions please drop me an email on leanne.kemp@theyoutrust.org.uk
